|agoldengod||05:04 pm - MOUTH: Dora meets Sam [present]|
Sam is a good-looking kid, I admit to myself. He has dark hair that falls into his face and pale skin and eyes. He's tall, but not very. I can see why a girl would find him attractive without needing to stretch my imagination much. It takes a little more effort to see why Julian would find him attractive, but when I see them together, chatting quietly and holding hands, some part of me both admires and envies them. Julian's wearing that look on his face again, the look of shining adoration he used to have whenever his father came home from work bearing gifts. Now, Bernard rarely comes home from work, and Julian is always sullen. I haven't seen him this happy in a long time, smiling and joyful, and suddenly I feel bitter because I realise that this must be the Julian that Sam sees all the time. I hate that an outsider, a boy, can so easily inspire [happiness] in my son when I, his mother, have been trying and failing for [years]. Even more, I hate myself for begrudging my son [t]his happiness. I try to hate Sam, too, but it's hard; every time I try I feel like I'm kicking a puppy. Sam is intelligent, witty, and sensible; when I think about it, he reminds me a lot of Olivia. Which may or may not be a good thing.